Sailor Prune and the Sailor Laxatives
by XTsukimiOdangoX
Summary: Hello! This is a little Sailor Moon spoof my friend Julia and I made up. *Warning* It's Rated R for strong language, and insanity!!! *End of Warning* More notes inside! Enter into the world of Sailor Prune... At your own risk... *Finished*
1. Act 1 Scene 1: Usagi's Bedroom

Authors Notes: Hi! This is Bunny! I'm the one always doing the Notes   
and Disclaimers and all that crap! Julia's a lazy ass! JUST KIDDING!!  
Anyway... This story is not meant to diss anyone in particular, or to  
bash any one character or ethnicity... We do not mean for you to take  
this personally... It's just supposed to be a spoof. You can visit our  
website at www.angelfire.com/anime3/sailorprune/comic_scripts.html   
There will be a comic of this story posted soon... I am working on the   
tones as I'm typing this... ^^ This site is under construction since   
the comic isn't there yet, but it will be! So just hang tight! Enjoy!!  
  
Disclaimers: If I actually owned Sailor Moon do you honestly think that  
I would be sitting here right now typing this crap?! NO!! I would be   
rolling in my riches!!! But... I DO own Mamo-chan... I DO! REALLY!   
I'M NOT LYING!! I SWEAR!!  
  
Rated R: Very crude langauge... like "duck" without the d and with and   
f over and over again... ^^;  
  
Sailor Prune and the Sailor Laxatives  
  
  
Act 1: Scene 1  
  
Usagi's bedroom, 3:24 AM  
  
  
SFX: *BEEP BEEP*  
  
Usagi: Huh? (Wakes up from a dream consisting of a chocolate covered   
Mamoru and Usagi licking it all off...)  
  
Narrator: Oops!! Hehe... ^^;  
  
Usagi: (Pulls communicator out of dresser draw. Flips open switch and   
presses the symbol for moon)   
  
Usagi: Yeah? What's the problem?  
  
Rei: Usagi! Hurry up! There's been a youma attack!  
  
Usagi: (gasps) What? But Chaos has been defeated!  
  
Rei: We'll figure that out later! Just get you're ass over here!  
  
Usagi: (frowns) Where's the attack, pyro?  
  
Rei: Crown Fruit Parlor! Now hurry up!  
  
Usagi: Right! (blinks) Um... Rei-chan... I don't have the ginzishou   
anymore remember?  
  
Rei: Er... Well... JUST GET OVER HERE!!!! (shuts off connection)  
  
Usagi: (sighs) I'm gonna get killed one of these days... PERMANENTLY!   
  
Authors Notes: OK! CALM DOWN!! I KNOW THAT WAS SHORT!! I'M JUST DOING   
IT BY SCENE!! THE NEXT SCENE WILL BE UP IN A FEW MINUTES SO JUST CALM   
DOWN!! ... Thank you... PLEASE REVIEW!!!! AND GO TO   
www.angelfire.com/anime3/sailorprune/comic_scripts.html  



	2. Act 1 Scene 2: Crown Fruit Parlor

Author's Notes: And here's the second scene! I hope your enjoying it   
so far! It gets better, don't worry!   
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon... BUT! *gets a gun jammed into   
her back by a man in a white suit* Erm... And I-I don't own Mamo-chan   
either... ermm... YES I DO!!!!! *GUNSHOTS* AHHHHH!!!!!   
  
Rated R  
  
Sailor Prune and the Sailor Laxatives  
  
  
Act 1: Scene 2  
  
Crown Fruit Parlor  
  
Mako: Jupiter Crystal Power! Make-UP!!  
  
Minako: Venus Crystal Power! Make-UP!!  
  
Ami: Mercury Crystal Power! Make-UP!!  
  
Rei: Mars Crystal Power! Make-UP!!  
  
Haruka: Uranus...!  
  
Narrator: (snickers)  
  
Haruka: SHUT UP!!  
  
Haruka: Uranus Crystal Power! Make-UP!!  
  
Michiru: Neptune Crystal Power! Make-UP!!  
  
Setsuna: Pluto Crystal Power! Make-UP!!  
  
Hotaru (at the present age of 7): Saturn Crystal Power! Make-UP!!  
  
Chibi-Usa: Moon Prism..!  
  
Unknown Character: (throws a huge, unimaginably heavy boulder at   
Chibi-Usa)  
  
Narrator: Hey, it's my story, I can do WHATEVER I want!! That little   
spore ruins plot lines, ok?!  
  
Chibi-Usa: (screams and dies)  
  
Narrator: What a shame... Hehe  
  
Narrator: A whole bunch of brightly colored lights melt away the   
girl's clothes... Yadiyadiyada...  
  
Mamoru: (backstage) hehe...  
  
Narrator: Shut up! (knocks Mamoru unconscious)   
  
Narrator: After a good 15 minutes of really dumb and tedious   
transformations... The senshi are FINALLY ready for combat.  
  
Youma: (stops playing solitaire and puts away the cards) About time!  
  
Jupiter: Get ready to eat asphalt, creep!  
  
Venus: On behalf of all of our planets...!  
  
Mars: We, the Pretty Soldiers in really short skirts...!  
  
Mamoru: (still backstage, snickers)  
  
Narrator: Hey! Who added that line in! And I thought I knocked you   
out?!  
  
Mamoru: hehe!  
  
Mercury: Moving on with the PLOT!  
  
Uranus: What plot?  
  
Narrator and Mamoru: HAHA!!!  
  
Uranus: SHUT UP!!!  
  
Pluto: Anyway...! We will punish you!!  
  
Youma: Oh... I'm SO scared... Save me! Oh goodness I'm going to be   
killed! What will I ever do? Oh help help!  
  
Narrator: The youma continues to bitch, sarcastically, because I   
couldn't think of anything else...  
  
SFX: *Door crashes open*  
  
Saturn: (age of 13, turns to the noise) Who's there?  
  
Shadowed figure: I am... The senshi formally known as...  
  
"Prince": Hey! Don't steal my title!  
  
Narrator: Who let you in here?!   
  
Mars: Oh please! You've had so many God damned titles! Who gives a   
good rats ass any more?! And besides, aren't you a transvestite or   
something?!  
  
StarLights: (backstage, waiting for their scene... But... we won't tell  
them that their not actually in the script...) HEY! DON'T MAKE FUN OF   
US!!  
  
"Prince": NO! God! You know what you little bi- (is cut off as he is   
roughly pulled off the stage by a bus boy)  
  
Figure: AHEM!!  
  
Senshi: (turn back to the figure)   
  
Figure: As I was saying before I was RUDELY interrupted...! The senshi  
formally known as... BISHOUJO SENSHI SEERAA MUUN!!   
  
Senshi: (slap their foreheads)  
  
Usagi: What?  
  
Youma: Excuse me, little Sailor Moon wanabee? But do you mind? I'm   
trying to fight this little peanut gallery here...  
  
  
Usagi: WANABEE?!!!  
Pluto: Oh screw it... I'm outta here...  
  
Uranus: Ditto...  
Narrator and Mamoru: (run into Mamoru's dressing room so they can laugh  
their asses off as much as they want without URANUS knowing...)  
  
Outer Senshi: (leave)  
  
Jupiter: (waves a suggestive finger) SCAREDY CATS!!  
  
Luna, Artemis, and Diana: HEY!  
  
Youma: HELLO?!! DOESN'T ANYONE NOTICE I'M HERE?!! LOOK AT ME!! I'M   
SCARY!!! I WILL KILL YOU!!  
  
Venus: Yeah yeah... WHATEVER!  
  
Mars: I'm tired, can we go home now?  
  
Usagi: YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOU GUYS DRAGGED ME ALL THE WAY HERE, WHEN  
I COULDN'T HENSHIN, AND YOU'RE ALL GONNA LEAVE??!!  
  
Inners: (exchange glances)  
  
Inners: YEP!  
  
Usagi: (rolls eyes)  
  
Youma: DAMNIT! THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS KILL ME!!  
  
Mercury: Fine! (pulls out her harp from the prop room)  
  
Mercury: Shine Aqua... RHAPSODY!!  
  
Stage Crew: (throw a bucket of ice water on youma)  
  
Youma: AHHH!!! (runs off stage)  
  
Mercury: Freak...  
Narrator: (walks out of Mamoru's dressing room with clothes on backwards)  
  
Mamoru: (pulls his shirt back on and tries to rub away the lipstick all  
over his body...)  
  
Usagi: Mamo-chan? What happened to you?  
  
Mamoru and Narrator: NOTHING!!!  
  
Narrator: AHEM... Anyway... All the senshi return to their homes by  
4:00 or so in the morning...  
  
Mamoru: How bout you come home with me? Hehe...  
  
Narrator: (giggles)  
  
Authors Notes: Scene 3 coming up soon!!  



	3. Act 1 Scene 3: Juuban High School

Authors Notes: THIS IS WRITTEN BY JULIA AND ME, SHE GETS VERY TOUCHY   
IF I WONT MENTION HER MORE THAN TEN TIMES... HERE... JULIA JULIA JULIA  
JULIA JULIA JULIA JULIA JULIA JULIA JULIA!!!!!!! *gasps for air*   
There... Julia IS a co-author... ok... On with the story...  
  
Disclaimers: .... um....  
  
Rated R  
  
Sailor Prune and the Sailor Laxatives  
  
  
Act 1: Scene 3  
  
Juuban High School, Noon  
  
Mako: Hey, Usagi-chan! Want some of my lunch?  
  
Usagi: Oh.. No thanks Mako-chan... I'm really tired...  
  
Ami, Minako, and Mako: WHAT?  
  
Ami: Usagi-chan! Are you okay?!  
  
Minako: It's not like you to refuse food!  
  
Usagi: (lays down under a tree) I just wanna sleep... I didn't get much  
rest last night after that youma...  
  
Usagi: (drifts off to sleep)  
  
Narrator: After a few minutes Usagi vaguely hears the girls scream   
her name. She begins to open her eyes when something hard hits her   
in the head. Her vision turns black and she goes unconscious. Boohoo...  
  
Mamoru: O well... She WAS pretty annoying...Rest in Piece, Usako...  
  
Narrator: Shut up!  
  
AUTHORS AND PEOPLE WHO SUMWHAT HELPED THE AUTHOR IN WRITING THIS   
SO CALLED PARODY'S NOTES: Julia is very upset that I did not mention   
her that many times in the past few scene's... this one is dedicated to  
her... I'm sorry... I love you Julia!!!!  



	4. Act 2 Scene 1: God Only Knows Where....

Julia and Bunny's author's notes: Hi hi! Here's the newest addition   
to the story! Please Enjoy!!  
  
Disclaimers: We do not own Sublime... or any of their songs... we also  
don't own Sailor Moon... BUTWEOWNMAMO-CHAN!!!!  
  
Rated R  
  
Sailor Prune and the Sailor Laxatives  
  
  
Act 2: Scene 1  
  
God only knows where...   
  
  
Voice: Usagi? Usagi-chan?! Wake up!  
  
Usagi: Huh? (opens eyes slowly) Rei-chan...?  
  
Narrator: Rei stared back at Usagi... but she looked... Different...  
She had no pupils or irises. The tips of her hair were died red.   
And her skin was a pale white. Not too mention that it sounded as   
if she had smoked ONE to many cartons...  
  
Rei: Dude... you were sleeping...  
  
Usagi: WHAT THE HELL?! REI! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?!!  
  
Rei: Woah! Dude! Lower the decibels!  
  
Minako: Like, totally! You're, like, busting my eardrums, girlfriend!  
  
Usagi: M-Minako...?! What the hell is going on here?!   
  
Narrator: Minako was also changed. She was wearing... PLAID!! OH MY   
GOD!! BURN IT!! SHOOT IT DOWN!! DO SOMETHING FOR GOD'S SAKE!!   
  
Narrator: AHEM... Yes... well... Anyway... Her hair was now a lighter,  
bleached blonde, and she was... well... a... dare I say it... a... a...  
PREP!!!!!!!  
  
Mamoru: (still backstage) No shock there...  
  
Narrator: Hey! I thought I tied you to the bedposts?   
  
Mamoru: My wrists were chaffing... Besides... I was getting a draft...  
  
Narrator: OK... Moving on...  
  
Mako: Usagi-chan! Yo! Chill out, man!  
  
Usagi: EEP!!! MAKO-CHAN!! OH MY GOD!! Hey... I thought you were   
Japanese...?  
  
Narrator: Yes, well, sure enough though, with my twisted little mind...  
Mako-chan was... well... different... She was now... Jamaican! Dreadlocks and all...  
  
Ami: Why are you spazzing out so much, you little asswipe?  
  
Usagi: AMI-CHAN?! HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT TO ME?!!!   
WAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ami: Bite me...  
  
Narrator: Oh... I'm so bad... Hehe... Well... Ami-chan was a bit   
bitchier than normal... in fact... Even her appearance showed it.   
Her hair was choppy and spiked up with loads of gel. And her clothes   
were all cut and torn. Plus... in her hands... she held... a gun!  
Her pride and joy...  
  
Usagi: WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH A GUN? WHAT'S GOING ON??!!!!  
  
Minako: Usagi-chan... Like, I don't know if you, like, got hit in the  
head or something.. but, like, could we please just, like, move on   
with the rehearsal?   
  
Usagi: (a bit unnerved) What rehearsal?  
  
Ami: The one for our concert tonight, jerk-ass...  
  
Mako: Yeah, we should get moving along, man...  
  
Rei: All right, dudes... Let's practice... Um... "Diarrhea"   
  
Minako: Yeah! Like totally! I, like, LOOOOVVE that song!  
  
Ami: That's because the jackass wrote it...  
Usagi: What are you all talking about?  
  
Narrator: The girls pulled Usagi up on a stage, which led her to  
believe they were in some kind of auditorium. Ami picked up her   
electric guitar, Minako her mike, Mako sat down at the drums, and   
Rei gave Usagi and herself also a mike.  
  
Narrator: Mako and Ami began playing a beat just like "Santaria" by   
Sublime.   
  
Minako: I got nothing but diarrhea,  
All thanks to those laxatives,  
My friend had told me that they were chocolate,  
And I-I ate them...  
If I could find that son of a bitch I'd beat him to the ground  
And I'd pop a cap up in his ass and I'll slap him doooooown  
  
Rei: What I really wanna know...  
You bastard, is why you're such a little sick fuck  
Well, you're twisted  
And that's all I really know, o-oh,  
And I'm shitting out my brains  
If you know what's good for you, you best go run and hide  
Ami's got a new .45  
And I won't think twice to shit it straight on down your throat,  
Believe me when I say that I got enough to go around  
  
Narrator: They all turned to Usagi expecting her to finish the last bit  
of the song. And suddenly... The words seemed to flood into her mind  
out of know where...   
  
Usagi: What I really wanna know...  
You bastard, is why you smiled when I told you all these things  
Well you're twisted  
And that's all I really know, o-oh  
And I'm shitting out my braaaaaaiiinss...  
Yeah... yeah... yeeeeaaaaaahhhhh...   
  
Narrator: OK... sure... She didn't have A LOT of lines... But, it WAS   
an improvement... Besides... I couldn't think of any other lyrics...  
  
Minako: Damn! I LOVE that song!  
  
Ami: Shut up! Jesus Christ!  
  
Rei: Who?  
  
Usagi: Um... I'm gathering we have a band right...?  
  
Mako: Did you get amnesia or something, man? Yes we have a band! And  
you're our lead signer!  
  
Usagi: What?! Me?!  
  
Ami: Yeah, dumb ass! Sailor Prune and the Sailor Laxatives! Duh!  
  
Narrator: Usagi burst out in a fit of giggles at the odd name. ^^ I   
know... I'm soooo bad... hehe...  
  
Minako: Why are you laughing? You're the one who made it up!   
  
Mako: Yeah, you're Sailor Prune.  
  
Usagi: WHAT??!!!  
  
Rei: Yep. And I'm Sailor Mourner...  
  
Ami: Sailor Mercenary!  
  
Minako: Sailor Varsity!!  
  
Mako: And, Sailor Jamaica!  
  
Usagi: You've GOT to be kidding me...  
  
  
Authors' notes: Bunny: Please stay tuned for Act 2 Scene 2! It gets  
funnier!! *looks to Julia* is that a word...?   
Julia: Er... *shrugs* Anyway... Peace!  
  



	5. Act 2 Scene 2: The Concert

Authors' Notes: Bunny: YELLOW ARMADILLOS!!!  
Julia: um... MAKENAI!!  
Bunny: *rolls eyes* Don't ask... Well, here's the next Scene! R+R!!  
  
Disclaimers: Yeah yeah... You know the drill... we own Mamo-chan...  
then we get shot down... blah blah blah...  
  
Rated R  
  
Sailor Prune and the Sailor Laxatives  
  
  
Act 2: Scene 2  
  
The Concert, 9:00 PM  
  
  
Narrator: The Sailor Laxatives (snicker) stood behind the stage's   
curtains, setting up. The crowed was already filling in and waiting   
impatiently for the 9:30 performance.   
  
Voice: Hey, biotches, you ready?   
  
Narrator: The girls all turned around to meet the gaze of a tall,   
built, dreamy, sexy, tempting... Er! Sorry! Got carried away... Um...  
they turned around to see a guy... a gorgeous, loving, romantic, kind...   
  
Varsity: Like, totally!  
  
Mourner: Are you, dude?  
  
Mamoru: Yeah, I only got one lil' rap... But man... I got the  
BLING BLING!  
  
Narrator: The girls giggled at Mamoru's comment. After they came down   
from their temporary high, Prune leaned over and whispered in   
Jamaica's ear:  
  
Prune: Mamo-chan's part of our band too?  
  
Jamaica: Yep. He's Tuxedo M+M!  
  
Narrator: Prune busted out laughing so hard she nearly ripped open   
the seams in her costume.   
  
Tux M+M: Did I miss a joke?  
  
Mercenary: Yeah, the one about yo-  
  
Narrator: Mercenary was cut off as Mourner clasped a hand over her  
mouth. The last thing anyone needed was a brawl breaking out between  
M+M and Mercenary...  
  
Prune: (stops laughing) So, Mamo-chan? You're gonna rap for us, huh?  
  
Tux M+M: Um... Mamo-chan...? When did you start calling me "Mamo-chan"?  
  
Prune: I've always called you Mamo-chan, silly!  
  
Tux M+M: Uh huh... Sure... Did you take those little pills you find   
in your mother's medicine cabinet again?  
  
  
  
Bunny: Ok... we're sick of Authors' Notes... Buh bye!! 


	6. Act 2 Scene 3: On Stage

Authors' Notes: Here. Read. Laugh. Enjoy. Review.  
  
Dislaimer: We don't own D-12 or Eminem... I don't think I spelt that   
right... Any way... we own... "you know who"... ^^   
  
Rated R  
  
Sailor Prune and the Sailor Laxatives  
  
  
Act 2: Scene 3  
  
On stage, 9:30 PM  
  
  
Prune: This is our Debut Single: "Diarrhea!"  
  
Narrator: Mourner, Varsity, and Prune sing "Diarrhea" and receive many   
cheers and applause.   
  
Usagi: Now, we would like to sign for you, "Purple Pills!"  
  
Narrator: There's a song by Eminem called "Purple Hills." If you   
haven't heard it, you might be a little lost, but you might be able to  
get it. If you want the MP3 e-mail me!  
  
Usagi: I've been so many places,   
I've seen so many faces,  
But nothing compares to these blue, and yellow,  
Purple pills  
I've had the strongest laxatives,  
Once or twice, but who's counting,  
But nothing compares to these blue, and yellow,  
Purple pills  
  
M+M:Smooth, oval, the best types around,  
With some real strong shit I'm trying to pass 'round town,  
It's Tuxedo M+M with some pills up his sleeve,  
All up on you some like type of pet peeve,  
I can't describe the vibe I get  
Once I walk past 6 people,  
Then 5 gotta shit...  
Oh sh-  
  
Narrator: Tuxedo M+M was cut off as a thunderous crash exploded in the  
back of the auditorium. Every one turned to the crach.  
  
Tux M+M: Hey! Who the fuck's there?! How dare you interrupt me during   
my rap?!!!  
  
Narrator: Tux M+M screamed in his mike some more curses and had to be   
restrained by Jamaica and Prune.   
  
Mourner: Hey! Whoever's back there, what the hell do you think you're   
doing?! You should know the Tux has a bad temper!  
  
Tux M+M: Don't! Fucking! Start! With! Me! Mourner!!  
  
Narrator: A spotlight suddenly turned on where the crash had been and   
illuminated a tall figure standing there.  
  
Tux M+M: Who are you?!  
  
Mercenary: I'll get him!! (pulls out a machine gun)  
  
Varsity: Oh my god! Like, we're all gonna die! Oh shit! What if I,   
like, break a nail?!  
  
Figure: (pulls out a microphone) My name, is Dr. Dre. I am a rapper,   
and I just came here to tell you, Tuxedo M+M, that you're raps SUCK!!  
  
Narrator: Because of my demented little mind... Dr. Dre turns out   
looking something like... DR. TOMOE!!!   
MWWWAAAAHHHHHAAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
*insert more maniac laughter here*  
  
Tux M+M: WHY YOU LITTLE SON OF A BITCH!!  
  
Dr. Dre: Well, it's true. I'm only trying to help...  
  
Tux M+M: YOU THINK YOU'RE HOT SHIT?! THAN FREESTYLE OLD MAN! COME ON!   
I CHALLENGE YOU!!  
  
Audience: *insert "ooh's" and "ahh's" here*  
  
Dr. Dre: Fine... If you really think that will help...  
  
Tux M+M: FINE!!  
  
Narrator: Tux M+M starts off first with a kick ass rap that goes   
something like this...  
  
Tux M+M: Yo, M+M in da house, now ya betta sit down,  
This mother fucker ova here be wearing da crown,  
I'll kick your sorry ass to the planet Mars,  
Dat gothy chic ova there be the bitch in charge,  
Now Sialor Prune may seem like a fucked up name,  
But girls like that ain't got no God damned shame,  
They'll run their game,  
And you'll be praying this dame,  
Will stop beating you down cuz you look mad lame...  
We got mercenaries and preps,  
So we got mad variety,  
So just shut your mouth,  
Cuz, yo! You ain't no friend of me!  
All des fly chix will skin down you ass,  
Now don't cry mother fucker,  
No more need for Slim Fast!  
  
Narrator: The crowd burst into cheers and chanted Tuxedo M+M's name   
over and over again... Next... Was Dr. Dre...  
  
Dr. Dre: Yo, M- what the fuck you trying to say?  
You think I'm FAT?  
Damn rite- my rhymes are- HEY HEY!  
Yo fucker, you be looking mad gay!  
"Have you had it up the ass today?"  
M, c'mon it don't need to go down like this,  
You only hurting yourself, who you trying to diss?  
I'll back down if you will too!   
I just want piece,  
Is that cool wit you?  
  
Audience: Cheers, until Mercenary threatens to shoot her machine gun   
at them...   
  
Tux M+M: I'll give you a piece all right,  
A piece of my mind  
For steppin' up in my crib tonight,  
So scram fat ass and don't show up again,  
Cuz make no mistake, I ain't about to be your friend!  
  
Narrator: The audience continued to applaud and so did the band for Tux  
M+M. Seems that Dr. Dre was wrong... So he left the set and went into  
his dressing room to powder himself.  
  
  
Bunny: Thanks to my "anonymus" sister who made those raps! ^^  
Julia: SANDEE!! WE LOVE YOU!!  



	7. Act 3 Scene 1: The Living Room of Haruka...

Authors' Notes: Likeing it so far? We sure hope so! R+R!!  
  
Disclaimer: We do NOT own SLUTS R US... Actually... I think we do...  
ummm...  
  
Rated R  
  
Sailor Prune and the Sailor Laxatives  
  
  
Act 3: Scene 1  
  
The living room of Haruka and Michiru's house, 11:00 PM  
  
Narrator: While Haruka is lying down on (gulp) Michiru's lap   
(snicker) Michiru is caressingly stroking Haruka's back... side...   
hahahhahhahahahahahaha!!!!!!!  
  
Tux M+M: Hahahahahahaha!!!!!! (out of nowhere)  
  
Narrator: No, just kidding. She was stroking her back. Period.  
  
Haruka: Whaaaaaaaaaa!!!!! Shit! I hate it when people make fun of my   
name! Especially jerks like Tuxedo M+M!  
  
Michiru: Dude, I know how it feels... Oh... wait a second, no I don't!  
  
Haruka: Whaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Michiru: Wow, I was just playing honey dude, it's OK I'm here.  
  
SFX: Rings doorbell  
  
Michiru: Hold on I'll get it. You just stay here.  
  
Narrator: While Michiru gets up, Haruka is still whining like a stupid  
baby on the couch. She reminds me of Chibi Chibi, which we are not   
bringing into this script for reasons of decency!!!!! Anyway.....  
  
Michiru: I'm coming, Dude, hold on!  
  
Michiru: (opens door)  
  
Michiru: Setsuna! Come in dude!  
  
Narrator: While Setsuna walks in she sees Haruka in a very bad   
position on the couch with her cloths wrinkled and... damp.  
  
Setsuna: Did I, like, come in at a bad time, cuz if you wanna-  
  
Michiru: No! It's OK! Don't leave! Haruka's just a little upset.  
  
Setsuna: Awwww....over what? Oh, well it doesn't matter! I was made   
for cheering up unhappy and lonely souls.....  
  
Narrator: As Setsuna sits on the couch next to Haruka, she notices the   
very, umm, classy-looking clothes she has on.  
  
Setsuna: Hey Haruka! Like the new ensemble?  
  
Narrator: Haruka looks at Setsuna's outfit of SHORT leather shorts,   
LOW, red halter top, 4 inch black sandals and not to mention long,   
red nails, fake eyelashes, cherry lipstick, and her once beautiful   
black hair, now streaked blonde and white. (shudder)  
  
Haruka: Ummmm... (sniffles)... uhhhh... it's great!  
  
Setsuna: Really?! Well it should be since I got it yesterday at a   
sale at SLUTS R US! I thought most of the clothes there were great,   
but I decided to, like, go modest for a while!  
  
Haruka and Michiru: Right...  



	8. Act 3 Scene 2: After the Concert, At a N...

Authors' Notes: Bunny: Julia's so funny!! She's very good at writing   
this crap!! ^^   
Julia: Damned straight! I hope you enjoy it!  
  
Disclaimers: We don't own Sailor Moon... blahdee blah blah...   
yakitee schmakitee...  
  
Rated R  
  
Sailor Prune and the Sailor Prune  
  
  
Act 3: Scene 2  
  
After the concert, at a nearby Wendy's...  
  
Ami: Well that was a shit of a performance if I ever thought so...  
  
Rei: Why... are you always... so negitive?  
  
Ami: I don't know! Why are you always so high?!  
  
Rei: Well why... are you always so gun happy?!  
  
Ami: Gun happy, wait just a god damned minute!-  
  
Minako: Guys, like, just shut up!  
  
Ami: You know Minako, your right, I'm sure you can perk us up, with   
your peppy speeches you give all the time-  
  
Usagi: Alright! Please! I know we didn't do a great job-  
  
Mamoru: Hey!  
  
Usagi: Alright! Most of us didn't do a great job, but the thing is we-  
  
Mako: We got out before Dr. Dre could kick our asses!  
  
All except for Usagi: Yeah!  
  
Usagi: OK, that's not really what I had in mind, but...   
if it makes everyone happy, yeah! We didn't get hurt! And that's a   
plus!  
  
Mamoru: Foods here!  
  
Narrator: Everyone suddenly gets up and rushes over to get there   
burgers, and Minako to get her salad. Then Mamoru knocks into Minako   
and spills her "Italian" salad dressing all over her new plaid skirt.  
  
Minako: Shit!! Mamoru! My skirt! Grrrrrrr....now I'll have to go   
into the bathroom and clean it off.....  
  
Mamoru: Sorry babe!  
  
Narrator: When Varsity has been in the bathroom for a while, everyone   
hears a scream coming from the inside of it.  
  
Minako: HELP!!!!!!  
  
Narrator: Everyone runs up to the bathroom door to see Minako on the  
floor unconscious and a huge youma standing over her.  
  
Usagi: Oh no!  
  
Narrator: Again, flashes of rainbow light surrounding the girls   
(and Mamoru) who are completely naked, or what the Otakus like to call   
the "Transformation" occurs, yet surprisingly, no one else in the   
restaurant notices... ahhh... life is good...  
  
Prune: *place horribly long speech here*  
  
Prune: And excuse me, in the names of all Prunes and most sun-dried   
fruits, but not apricots, I hate them, (everyone nods),   
I will punish you for your seemingly mediocre behavior on my part!  
  
Youma: Then get it over with! You always say that, but never mean it...  
for God's sake what are you waiting for!? Go ahead already!  
  
Prune: Okay! Alright! Hold on! Umm... what were those words again...  
ummm... ohhh... right!  
  
Narrator: Prune does all the spinny gymnastics shit that comes before   
every stupid attack...  
  
Prune: SPITTING RAISIN TORNADO!  
  
Narrator: As a million raisons come swirling out of Prunes hands, the youma is knocked down, but then slowly gets up again on its feet, furious.  
  
Prune: (gasp) It didn't work?!  
  
Jamaica: Guess not! But don't worry!  
  
Jamaica: DREADLOCK TWIST!!!!!!  
  
Narrator: All of a sudden, flying dreadlocks come out of the ground   
and tied up the youma, who was screaming and struggling.  
  
Jamaica: Varsity! Your turn!  
  
Narrator: Varsity suddlenly wakes up out of no where and jumps to her   
feet...  
  
Varsity: Right!  
  
Varsity: Ralph Laur-en Illusion!  
  
Narrator: As Varsity did her pointless attack, the youma popped out   
of the dreadlock's hold  
  
Youma: Grrrrrrrr......I'll get you Sailor Prune! And your pokey   
sucking senshi too!!!!  
  
Narrator: The youma jumps toward Prune, when....ahhh... I mean...  
*cough cough* ... Tuxedo M+M jumps in the way of the little twit...  
  
M+M: NOOOOO!!!!! Sailor Prune!  
  
Narrator: As the youma seems to fly right into Tux M+M, a force field  
surrounds the two... uhh... when will this insanity ever end.....  
  
Mourner: Like.....what's happening man?  
  
Mercenary: Didn't this happen in the S series already?  
  
Varsity:... baka...  



	9. Act 3 Scene 3: Continuation...

No notes...  
  
No disclaimers... you get the idea...  
  
Rated R  
  
Sailor Prune and the Sailor Laxatives  
  
  
Act 3: Scene 3  
  
Prune: M+M, what's happening?!  
  
Tux M+M: You expect me to know, biotch!? This shit is wack!  
  
Narrator: Yes well, you all know how it goes, light surrounding them,   
flashes, getting transported into another dimension by some unknown   
force, getting big, shiny rod used to wallop foes into an oblivion...  
yackity, shmakity. Anyway, moving on with the plot this story does not  
have, they come out of the light and "ohhh, deary me!" they get a big   
ass piece of metal. What a surprise.....  
  
Prune: M+M, what is this?  
  
Tux M+M: It is a symbol of out undying love for one another, and our   
protector from evil, it is our-  
  
Mercenary: What the hell!? Tux M+M are you alright?!  
  
Tux M+M: I'm a'ight  
  
Narrator: Out of nowhere Prune takes the wand, and gets a new attack...  
wow...*eyes widen at this point in the story*  
  
Prune: PRUNE INCONTENENT LOVE BEAM!!!!!!  
  
Narrator: And Prune blew the youma into a... well... oblivion  
  
Tux M+M: That was some nice shit, hoe!  
  
Prune: Thanks, I think  
  
Varsity: Yeah, like, I totally agree! Thanks for saving me and junk!  
  
Prune: But I didn't-  
  
Varsity: C'mon, I didn't get to eat my salad yet!  
  
Narrator: The senshi go back and de-transform (however they do that)   
eat some crap, and then they are just about to leave when they see the   
outer senshi come in.  
  
Setsuna: Hey Mamoru, looking good...  
  
Mamoru: You're looking good yourself, bitch!  
  
Usagi: Mamoru!  
  
Inner senshi, except for Usagi who is getting ready to slap Mamoru,   
Michiru, Haruka, Hotaru (at the present age of 9).   
  
Narrator: Makenai!  
  
Mako: Where the hell did that come from?!  
  
Narrator: Shut up and go along your plot less way, you bobsledding   
bastard!  
  
Minako: We were, like, all going to go out now, you guys wanna come   
with us, or whatever?  
  
Michiru: Sure. we would love to  
  
Narrator: Well, all of them walk out into the parking lot and into   
Mamoru's Ford Fiesta. I can't wait...  
  
Haruka: Are you sure we can all get into this little car?  
  
Minako: Like, is the sun a planet? C'mon!  
  
Haruka: Ummmmmm... k ...  
  
Narrator: As they all get into the car they smell something horrible,   
and they see small, round objects on the seat of the car and on the   
floor of it too.  
  
Usagi: Mamo-chan, what are those?  
  
Mamoru: Uhh...oh those...those are my lucky silver dollars, but I won't  
need anymore luck since I gots you and shit.  
  
Usagi: Awwww, Mamo-chan, your so sweet...  
  
Setsuna: Silver dollars ay?...  



	10. Act 4 Scene 1: The Car

Please excuse us for any spelling errors or things like that... ^^  
  
Disclaimers: WE DON'T OWN BEVERLY HILLS!!!  
  
Rated R  
  
Sailor Prune and the Sailor Laxatives  
  
  
Act 4: Scene 1  
  
At Minako's Mansion somewhere in Beverly Hills, which might I add is   
not in Japan at all, for all of you wondering baka  
  
Narrator: Some of the senshi had fainted from the harsh smell of   
Mamoru's fiesta on the ride there so Ami, Setsuna, Haruka and Mako   
were all sleeping at the time when this scene occurred  
  
Usagi: Mamo-chan, you seemed different, after we got the love pipe in   
Wendy's...  
  
Mamoru: Like how. Was I not the same gansta self I always is?  
  
Usagi: No. Well yes. I don't seem to know. It was like you were   
possessed...  
  
Mamoru: Like, when I cheated on ya wid Chibi-Usa?  
  
Narrator: I thought that we were not going to bring her into this   
script! Now I don't wanna hear that name again, you stupid bastards!  
  
Usagi: Yes. Ummmm, I guess so. I still don't really know, but you   
just sounded different, not yourself  
  
Narrator: Yes, while Usagi and Mamoru were talking aimlessly to each   
other, Dr. Dre popped in to say hi. And all the other sleeping senshi  
awakened if you're wondering  
  
Mamoru: Dr. D, yo I thought I told you to stop gettin' up in my grill   
like this, bro?!  
  
Dr. Dre: Look, player, you wanna say something' to me?! Well then I   
would like to challenge you to a session again, my brother!  
  
Mamoru: Player, I am down wid that if you'll are  
  
Narrator: Mamoru "transforms" again, nakedness and all... (drool)...   
into the hot, sexy... I mean... bulky, buff... you get the point...  
  
Mamoru: You wanna play, player? Fine wid me!  
  
Tux M+M:*place horrendously stupid and pointless, yet entertaining and  
"diss filled" rap of some big proportion here*  
  
Dr. Dre: *ditto*  
  
Tux M+M: You had enough? You want some more?!  
  
Dr. Dre: I haven't had my way with you yet, my brother!  
  
Varsity: Ewwwww... we did not, like, need to know that and junk.  
  
Narrator: Dr. Dre leaps out of the window and all the senshi hear a   
big THUD after 2 seconds.  
  
Tux M+M: Serves you right fucker!  
  
Dr. Dre: I'm okay! Mother fucka... (grumble)  
  
  
^^ Till next time!  
  



	11. Act 4 Scene 2: Later That Night at a Clu...

Authors' Notes: We're too lazy to write notes... uh huh... right...  
  
Disclaimers: You get the idea...  
  
Rated R  
  
Sailor Prune and the Sailor Laxatives  
  
  
Act 4: Scene 2  
  
Later that night at a club where the outers will play  
  
Narrator: Again, the outers transform in swirling lights, and in a   
transformation scene which is almost hentai...  
  
Haruka: URANUS-  
  
Narrator and Mamoru: (snicker)  
  
Haruka: JUST SHUT UP YOU STUPID, TINY BRAINED, ASS HOLE, MORON, IDIOT,   
NUMBSKULL, YELLOW BELLIED, RAT BASTARD, POKEY SUCKING, MONKEY BITING,   
SHORT LIVED, UNPOPULAR, PARANIOD, HORRENDIOUSLY NOT FUNNY, JELOUS,   
FUCK-TARD EXCUSES FOR "HUMAN" BEINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
M+M and Narrator: (5 seconds later)... wow...  
  
Haruka: Anyway.....  
  
Haruka: Uranus Crystal Power!! Make up!!  
  
Michiru: Nirvana Crystal power!! Make up!!  
  
Setsuna: Prostitute Crystal Power!! Make up!!   
  
Hotaru (at the present age of 10): Safety Crystal power!! Make up!!  
  
Nirvana: Dudes, let's kick some rock-hard ass!!!!  
  
Minna: Yeah!!!!  
Narrator: The outers walk on stage to hear a huge uproar from their   
fans in the audience. Uranus sits down on the drums (snicker),   
Prostitute takes guitar and a mike, Safety takes Bass, and Nirvana   
takes lead guitar and a mike.  
  
Nirvana: Alright everybody, we are, like, gonna play our favorite, and   
we know it's yours too, THE POT SHOW!  
  
(Guitar solos)  
  
Nirvana:Hanging out behind the alley on the weekdays  
Acting cool, getting high with my best friend  
I couldn't wait to get stoned on the get warped tour  
I remember it was the first time that I saw her there  
  
(Guitar solos)  
  
Prostitute:She's getting kicked out of school because she's failing people  
I'm kinda nervous cuz I sneaked her in the building  
But she's the one, she will always be there  
She took my life, and that made it I swear  
  
Prostitute and Nirvana: Because I fell in love with the pot at the rock show  
I said what, and she said that I don't know  
It's so cool, I already fell out the window  
Everything is better when she's around  
I can't wait till my parents go out of town  
I fell in love with the pot at the rock show  
  
(Guitar solos)  
  
Nirvana:When I said I was gonna go to Juve  
I remember the look my mother gave us  
15 without a purpose or a right thumb  
We don't owe anyone a fucking explanation  
  
Prostitute and Nirvana: Because I fell in love with the pot at the rock show  
I said what, and she said that I don't know  
It's so cool, I already fell out the window  
Everything is better when she's around  
I can't wait till my parents go out of town  
I fell in love with the pot at the rock show  
  
Prostitute:Tacking my picture of her on my cell wall  
I waited to make my call  
She always kept - me - grieving  
And if I ever got another chance, I'd still ask for a hit  
Because she kept - me - grieving  
  
Prostitute and Nirvana:Because I fell in love with the pot at the rock show  
I said what, and she said that I don't know  
It's so cool, I already fell out the window  
Everything is better when she's around  
I can't wait till my parents go out of town  
I fell in love with the pot at the rock show  
  
(Guitar solos)  
  
Nirvana:When I said I was gonna go to Juve  
I remember the look my mother gave us  
15 without a purpose or a right thumb  
We don't owe anyone a fucking explanation  
  
Prostitute and Nirvana: Because I fell in love with the pot at the rock show  
I said what, and she said that I don't know  
It's so cool, I already fell out the window  
Everything is better when she's around  
I can't wait till my parents go out of town  
I fell in love with the pot at the rock show  
  
(Guitar solos)  
  
With the pot at the rock show  
With the pot at the rock show  
I'll never - forget you  
I'll never - forget you  
With the pot at the rock show  
With the pot at the rock show  
I'll never - forget you.............  
  
Narrator: Everyone suddenly burst out in applause when they finished   
their song. The mosh pit seemed to gather more and more people, as   
if they knew what was coming.  
  
Nirvana: Thank you!!! Thanks!!! Okay!!!! SHUT UP!!!!! Thank you!   
Now we are going to play our other great hit, You Aint Nothin' But A   
Dope!  
  
Narrator: Now they play their other huge hit and the audience again   
applauses very loudly and the Outers bow and go off the stage for a   
break. That's when the Ami, Mina, Mako, Usagi and Mamoru came   
backstage.  
  
Uranus: What the hell are you guys doing here!!!   
  
Mamoru: We were looking for Uranus, have you seen it lately?  
  
Narrator and Mamoru: (burst out into laughter and then Usagi pushes   
them aside)  
  
Hotaru (at the present age of 14): How did you get here? Are you   
hurt?! It's dangerous backstage!!  
  
Usagi: Well, the security guys were too bombed to notice us running in.  
  
Nirvana: Where is Rei?  
  
Usagi: She's over there sharing her "tips and secrets" of the trade to  
the guards  
  
Ami: Rei, get your crackless ass over here!!!  
  
Narrator: Rei comes running over...ohhh...exciting...  
  
Prostitute: What seems to be the problem? Why did you come back   
here anyway?  
  
Usagi: Well we think we have found the new enemy...   
  



	12. Act 4 Scene 3: Backstage at the Outers C...

Authors Notes: Bunny: WE'RE BAAAAACCCKKK!!!!!  
Julia: AHEM... Yes, after long delay, we have brought you the   
newest Scene for...  
Julia and Bunny: SAILOR PRUNE AND THE SAILOR LAXATIVES!!! ^^;  
  
Disclaimers: We do not own any Sailor Moon characters *cough cough Mamo-chan cough cough*  
But... We do own the rights to Sailor Prune! Like that's gonna get us anywhere in life... ^^;  
We also don't own Barney... Thank the Lord... And we don't own Virgin Records either.  
  
Rated R  
  
Sailor Prune and the Sailor Laxatives  
  
Narrator: Last time on this asinine show... Wait... This isn't EVEN a show!!  
WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING HER THEN?!  
  
Act 4 Scene 2  
  
Narrator: (grumpy) The Outers had a concert... the Inners came and were   
hiding backstage... blah blah...  
  
"Usagi: Well we think we have found the new enemy..."  
  
Narrator: OH GOD! THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME!!!  
  
  
  
Act 4 Scene 3  
  
Backstage at the Outers concert...  
  
Usagi: We believe that it's Dr. Dre and his traveling band of youma!   
  
Mamoru: He wants a record deal...  
  
Nirvana: You're kidding me right?!  
  
Mako: Unfortunately not.  
  
Ami: We need to stop this guy!! No way's that asshole getting a record  
deal while I'm around!!  
  
Rei: But, dudes, didn't he already get in touch with Virgin records?  
  
Mamoru: So?! Screw virgin records!  
  
Prostetute: But... Then they wouldn't be "VIRGIN" Records anymore, right?  
  
Everyone minus Prostetute: Uh... Right...  
  
Uranus: (insert many laughs here) We'll I say we go find Dre and kick his sorry ass!!  
  
Safety: Now now... No need for violence... I think it would be nice if   
we could all just get along...  
  
Narrator: Suddenly some really fat, smelly guy in a purple dinosaur costume  
walks onto the stage...  
  
Barney: That sounds like a dandy good idea, Safety! Maybe, if we sing a  
song it'll make us feel better! What do you say boys and girls?!  
  
Mamoru: I SAY WE JUMP HIM!!!  
  
All except Safety: YEAH!!!!  
  
Narrator: Everybody attack poor Barney and... Ow! That's GOTTA hurt...  
Eh, what the hell!! (jumps into the fight)  
  
  
Author's Notes: Bunny: Tada!! We're done with that part!  
Julia: WHAT?! THAT'S IT?!  
Bunny: Um... The next Scene will be posted any minute! Don't worry! ^^;  
Julia: Oh... ok...  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	13. Act 5 Scene 1: In a Smelly Cell with a D...

Author's Notes: Bunny: See? Like 10 minutes later and the next addition   
is up! ^^  
Julia: Yeah! We would NEVER lie to you... *cough cough*  
  
Disclaimers: Oh for God's sake! (pulls out a huge machine gun and blasts   
their way out of the home for "special people") WE OWN MAMO-CHAN!!!  
  
Rated R  
  
Sailor Prune and the Sailor Laxatives  
  
  
Act 5 Scene 1  
  
In a Smelly Cell with a Dead Guy...  
  
Narrator: Well, here we all are. Behind bars... I mean... We only   
killed somebody?! What's the big deal?!  
  
Ami: And it was Barney! It's not like the world's gonna miss him!  
  
Narrator: Everyone turns to the mutilated Barney in the corner of the cell.  
  
Usagi: I shouldn't have gotten involved... I should have just backed away...  
  
Mamoru: Don't be a wuss! We'll bust outta here!  
  
Safety: I know! I'll pay bail for you guys!  
  
Prostetute: Yeah, lucky you... You were smart enough to just stand there...  
  
Nirvana: That's a plus if ya ask me!  
  
Minako: Like, totally!  
  
  
Two Hours Later  
  
  
Safety: Ok guys! All set! I paid the bail and you're outta here!  
  
Rei: Um... but, dudes... Since when can you get off on bail for killing  
someone?  
  
Mako: Don't argue! Let's just go!  
  
Ami: It was only Barney...  
  
Mamoru: (wraps one arm around Prostetute and the other around the Narrator)  
Let's go biatches!  
  
Usagi: Mamo-chan!!  
  
Mamoru: Er... (pecks Usagi on the forehead) Better?  
  
Narrator: (grins evilly)  
  
Nirvana: Hurry up, dudes!!  
  
Narrator: (pulls out her scripts and reads some pointless lines about how everyone  
leaves the police station and heads for Dre's "secrect lair")  
  
Minako: Um... Guys? Like, how are we gonna, like, find Dr. Dre?  
  
Mako: Well, we can use Mamoru as bait!  
  
Mamoru: Whodidthewhatnow?!  
  
Usagi: Come on, Mamo-chan! Dr. Dre will always rise to a challenge with you!  
  
Mamoru: B-but... No way!  
  
Prostetute: Don't tell me your scared?!  
  
Uranus: Yeah! You're chicken!! (makes asinine chicken noises)  
  
Mamoru: You wanna fight! Step up biatch!!  
  
Narrator: Down girls...  
  
Mamoru: HEY!  
  
Prostetute: Come on... Please... For me, Mamoru...? (gets VERY close to Mamoru)  
  
Mamoru: (blushes) Um... hehe... O-okay...  
  
Minako: SWEET!  
  
Narrator: (grumbles) Yeah, well let's get this over with!  
  
  
Author's Notes: Cliffhanger, huh? Hehe! Till Next time (about 10 minutes)!  
  
  



	14. Act 5 Scene 2: Halfway to Dr. Dre's Lair

Author's Notes: Bunny: You know what... I think... That this story is   
almost over..  
Julia: No... How... how... RUDE!!  
Bunny: Yes, unfortunately it's coming to an end, not with this Scene,  
but soon...  
Julia: (wipes a tear from her eye) How tragic... (sighs) Eh.. Nothing  
lasts for ever!  
Bunny: Yup! So get over it!  
  
Disclaimers: WE OWN MAMO-CHAN AND WE PUT HIM TO WORK!! AND WE'RE DAMNED  
PROUD OF IT!! SO SHUT YOUR GAPING PIEHOLE AND READ THE FRIGGIN STORY!!  
  
Rated R for the above reasons...  
  
Sailor Prune and the Sailor Laxatives  
  
  
Act 5 Scene 2  
  
Halfway to Dr. Dre's Lair  
  
Narrator: Tuxedo M+M stood decked out in his sexy, buff, tantalizing,  
irresistable...  
  
Usagi: Hey!  
  
Narrator: Oh! Right... Sorry... Anyway... he was transformed...  
  
M+M: This motha fucker better show up soon...  
  
Narrator: As if on cue Dr. Dre walked out of the nearby Quickie Mart with a turban   
wrapped about his head. Uh... O...k...  
  
M+M: (busts out laughing) DRE?! HAHA!! OH MAN! THAT'S RICH! PRICELESS MAN!  
OH GOD! I'M GONNA HAVE A CARDIAC EPISODE!!  
  
Bunny and Julia: Worst episode ever....  
  
Rei: Ok... And you dudes came from... where?  
  
Narrator: Moving ON!  
  
Dr. Dre: (blushes bright red and rips off his turban) What?!  
What are YOU doing here?!  
  
M+M: We were looking for you, gay ass!  
  
Dr. Dre: (puts down his giant slurpee and gets into "rapping" stance)  
You wanna play, fucker? Let's play!  
  
M+M: That sounds VAGEULY familiar... A'ite! Bring it on!  
  
Dr. Dre: Ladies first!  
  
M+M: That's why I said you should go...  
  
Dr. Dre: Bite me.  
  
M+M: If you we're female I would... Wait... No... Coz that would mean  
I would be biting you right now...  
  
Dr. Dre: You know, I don't have time for this! If you gonna rap then rap,  
otherwise I'm out of here!  
  
M+M: A'ite, peace out biatch!  
  
Narrator: Dr. Dre rolls his eyes and leaves, putting back on his turban  
and sipping his slurpee... We won't even bother to ask...  
  
Usagi: Well done... Odd and vulgar... but... good!  
  
M+M: Well, let's follow him!  
  
Narrator: Everyone "quietly" follows Dr. Dre and begin to make their  
way to Dre's "sectret lair"....  
  
Author's Notes: Dun Dun DUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!! THE PLOT THICKENS!!!  
  
P.S. ....  
Bunny: *sniffles* I'm sorry! Spelling errors are a horror! My apologies!  
I'm gonna try to double check what we type from now own... I'm sowy!  
Try to bear with me!!  
Julia: SHUT UP! *hits Bunny over the head with a shovel*  
  
  
  



	15. Act 5 Scene 3: Outside Dr. Dre's Lair...

Author's Notes: Bunny: Hello again! I would like to thank the 6 people  
who have reviewed my story-  
Julia: OUR story!!  
Bunny: Fine! Our story so far!  
Julia: 4 of these people were forced...  
Bunny: The other people, Suta-Aisu Kaji and BlueJello, signed by there own  
free will!! Yeah!!  
Julia: SIGN OR DIE!!!!! MWWWHHHHAAAAHHHHAAAA!!!!!  
Bunny: ¬_¬  
  
Disclaimers: WE OWN SAILOR MOON!! WE EVEN HAVE A PICTURE OF NAOKO TAKEUCHI  
SAYING THAT "It is true... Bunny and Julia DO own Sailor Moon..." IT'S GOT  
SUBTITLES! WE SWEAR!!!  
  
Rated R for insanity... ^  
  
Sailor Prune and the Sailor Laxatives  
  
Act 5 Scene 3  
  
Outside Dr. Dre's Lair...  
  
Narrators: Here they all stood, outside of Dre's "secret lair" that's...  
well, not so secret...  
  
Bright Flashing Sign: GO AWAY! THIS IS MY SECRET LAIR! YOU MAY NOT TAKE  
THE KEY OUT FROM UNDER THE WELCOME MAT AND ENTER TO FOIL ALL OF MY EVIL PLANS!!!!  
  
Minako: Like... How are we gonna get in?  
  
Everybody: (sweatdrop)  
  
Usagi: Well, I say we transform first!  
  
Narrator: All of the inners raise their hands and scream out some   
henshin phrases, spin around naked, and then wind up wearing   
REALLY short skirts...  
  
Prune: Ok minna-san! Let's go!  
  
Narrator: Everybody begins to run to the entrance when Varsity stops them.  
  
Varsity: Hello?! We need to find a way to get in guys!! It's not like there's  
a key under the Welcome mat or something!  
  
M+M: Err...  
  
Mako: Let's climb the fence, man!  
  
Nirvana: You idiots!! Why the hell can't you read the sign?! There IS a  
key under the Welcome mat!  
  
Narrator: Nirvana lifts up the mat to reveal a square hole with a ladder  
going down.  
  
Bright Flashing Sign: This is the stair well to my SECRET LAIR! DO NOT ENTER!!  
  
Nirvana: Oh... Guess you were right, man... (puts back down mat)  
  
Safety: Breaking in is wrong... We shouldn't be doing this...  
  
Mercenary: Oh shut up! (pulls out a grenade and blows up the fence) There!  
  
Varsity: Sweet!  
  
M+M: Allright mah hoes, let's go!  
  
Narrator: Everyone runs into Dre's lab and brace themselves for the unexpected...  
  
Author's Notes: AHAHA!!! MORE SUSPENSE!!!! *evil grin* WAIT YOU FOOLS!  
WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER TO COME OUT!! WAIT! WAIT!! MWWWHHHHAAAAAAHHHHHAAAAAAHHHHHAAAAAAAHHHHHHHAAAAAA!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  



	16. Act 6 Scene 1: Inside Dr. Dre's Lair (We...

Author's Notes: Bunny: *wails* IT'S SO SAD!! WAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!  
Julia: *covers her ears* She's upset about the fact that this story is almost over...  
I think we're going to have to make her a 12-Step Program...  
Bunny: WWWWWAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Disclaimers: WWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Rated W for Wailing...  
  
Sailor Prune and the Sailor Laxatives  
  
Act 6 Scene 1  
  
Inside Dr. Dre's Lair... (We use that word too much...)  
  
M+M: (whispering) Ok... We got to think of some plan to distract Turban Boy...  
  
Prostetute: (whispering) Like what?  
  
Mourner: (whispering) Something that will keep him occupied for a while...   
Like in a daze...  
  
Mercenary: (whispering) I say we shoot him!  
  
Safety: (whispering) We want to end his record deal! Not kill him!  
  
Jamaica: (whispering) Says who?  
  
Nirvana: (whispering) Just shut up!  
  
M+M: (whispering) Hey, Sets, why dont you.. ya know... "distract" him...  
  
Prostetue: MAMORU!! I'M NOT A WHORE!!!  
  
M+M: Coulda fooled me!  
  
Uranus: SHUT UP!!  
  
Narrator: Hehehehe...  
  
Dr. Dre: Who's there?!  
  
Prune: SHIT! Do your stuff!!  
  
Prostetute: Ugh!  
  
Narrator: Just as Dr. Dre is about to turn on the light Prostetute throws herself on him. ^^;  
  
Dr. Dre: AHH!!  
  
Prostetute: Hey there, Dre baby!  
  
Dr: Dre: Hey... Aren't you one of those Laxatives people? What are you   
doing here?!  
  
Prostetute: Well... (very sexy voice) I thought you looked so... irresistable  
in that turban... So... I thought you and I could... you know...   
  
Dr. Dre: (blushes uncontrollably) Err... B-but...  
  
Prostetute: (pulls of her fuku to reveal sexy lingerie)  
  
Dr. Dre: (gulps)  
  
Narrator: Prostetute begins to po-  
  
Prune: (clasps a hand over her mouth and whispers) Be quiet!! Dr. Dre   
will hear you!  
  
Narrator: (whispering) Then who the hell's gonna narate?!  
  
Mercenary: (whispering) We don't need a friggin narrator, jackass!  
  
Jamaica: (whispering) Just shut up, man! We're gonna get caught!  
  
Prostetute: (Begins to pose for Dr. Dre in very sexy, and suggestive ways   
keeping Dre QUITE busy... hehe...)  
  
All the girls (minus Sets) and M+M: (sneak behind Prostetute, but not without  
M+M drooling at her, and make their way to Dr. Dre's recording room)  
  
Narrator: NOW can I narate?!  
  
Mourner: The question isn't "can" you, it's "may" you, dude.  
  
Uranus: She's got a point there...  
  
Narrator: Shut up YER-anus!!  
  
Uranus: Bite me, asswad!  
  
Varsity: Ewwww...  
  
Jamaica: Hey! Look, over there!!  
  
Narrator: Everyone turns to see four shadowed figures standing in the  
corner of Dr. Dre's recording studio. Mercenary flips on the light switch  
which illuminates the four.  
  
M+M: Who are you guys?!  
  
Figure 1: Ai no seigo no! Seeraa fuku no bishoujou senshi! Seeraa Chibi  
Purune!  
  
Prune and M+M: (blinks) Um... Right...  
  
Safety: Could we have that in English please?  
  
Jamaica: Um... Man, we speak Japanese, not English...  
  
Uranus: She's got a point there...  
  
Mercenary: STOP DOING THAT! WE KNOW SHE MADE A POINT, OK?! JUST SHUT UP!!!  
  
M+M: (5 seconds later).... wow...  
  
Bunny: Chibi-Usa?!!  
  
Julia: Who the hell let her in this script?!  
  
Bunny: (flips through the script) Umm... Julia..?  
  
Julia: Yeah?  
  
Bunny: (points) That's what the script says...  
  
Julia: We wrote her in?! Wait a minute... Wasn't that the night when I  
slept over and you bought that Chibi-Usa toy from Blockbuster?  
  
Bunny: Oh yeah! And then you hung her from the ceiling fan!   
  
Julia: Yeah yeah!  
  
Chibi-Prune: What...?  
  
Bunny: That's what it says next in the script too! Hehehe...  
  
Julia: Oh right! Now I remember! All right! Guys, do your stuff!  
  
Narrator: Julia and Bunny suddenly dissapear just as quickly as they came...  
Actually, they just kind of ran off stage... but that's ok...  
  
M+M: Kill her!!  
  
Narrator: Everyone attacks Sailor Chibi-Prune (even Safety!!) and the other three figures   
just stare in confusion. Before Chibi-Prune knows it, she's got a rope   
strung around her neck. God only knows where they got the rope tied a la  
hanging style from... I'm telling you... That prop room is messed up...  
  
Safety: You know... Maybe we shouldn't be doing this... I mean she's onl-  
  
Nirvana: Don't defend the spore!  
  
Mercenary: Just kill her!!  
  
Prune: (ties her to a fan and turns it on high)  
  
Narrator: Everyone pulls on something similiar to a rain slicker to protect  
their clothes from Chibi-Prune's body parts splattering everywhere. Eww...  
  
Figure 2: Um... Hello, dudes? I don't think that was very nice...  
  
Varsity: OMG! It's, like, Yaten-kun!!  
  
Yaten: Sailor Star Hippie! Stage... ON!  
  
Narrator: (sweatdrops) It just get's crazier and crazier... God help us all...  
  
Julia: Hey! I thought we weren't putting the transvestites in this script?!  
  
Figure 3: We are NOT transvestites!  
  
Bunny: Oh bullshit!! Stop denying it!  
  
Mourner: It's a lack of self-esteem...  
  
Mercenary: Hey... Aren't you... Taiki-kun?  
  
Taiki: Sailor Star Makeshift! Stage... ON!  
  
Prune: Makeshift...?  
  
Makeshift: I'm a bum... I work in a sweatshop...  
  
M+M: Ok... You do that... BUNNY! JULIA! WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN SMOKING?!  
  
Bunny: Er... Don't hurt me...  
  
Julia: Only the usual...  
  
Uranus: What's "the usual?"  
  
Bunny: The stuff we find in Tuxie's underwear drawer...  
  
M+M: I told you not to tell!!  
  
Safety: That isn't safe... Not only for your bodies... But for the environment,  
too. SAVE THE WHALES!!!  
  
Jamaica: O..k.. That was... random...  
  
Varsity: RANDOM IS MY WORD!!  
  
Mercenary: Asswhole...  
  
Figure 4: (whistles) Yoo-hoo! Over here!  
  
Varsity: Yoo-hoo?! Where?! Where?! I love that stuff!!  
  
Figure 4: NOT THE DRINK!!!  
  
Varsity: Oh...  
  
Prune: Oh! It's.. It's... you!  
  
M+M: Aw, shit...  
  
Figure 4: Sailor Star F***er! Stage... ON!!  
  
Everyone: (sweatdrops so heavy they fall over)  
WWWWHHHHHAAAAAA???!!!!!!!!!  
  
F***er: I'm a pimp, yo. You got a problem wid dat, bitches?  
  
M+M: (mumbles under his breath) A pimp, huh...? He thinks he's a pimp...  
I'll give him a mother f*cking pimp..!   
  
Narrator: Tuxie stands up, pulls at his bunch up pants, ¬_¬;   
We didn't need to know that... And walks up to Seiya.  
  
F***er: Yeah? What you want, bitch?  
  
M+M: (whispers evilly) I'm going to kill you now...   
  
F***er: (eye twitches) Er...  
  
*Something else happened between here, but Julia and I were talking on   
the phone and got a writer's block. We're not too sure what really   
happpened, but Seiya is alive and living a pimpoliciouis life! And,   
we're also not too sure how we got the Lights in Dr. Dre's Recording Studio,  
let's just pretend they we're being held hostage! I mean, they are part  
girl right?*  
  
Author's Notes: WAAAAHHHHHH!!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
(P.S. We don't own Yoo-hoo or Blockbuster! We do, however, own the word  
"pimpolicious"!!)  



	17. Act 6 Scene 2: STILL In Dr. Dre's Lair.....

Author's Notes: Bunny: *apple shoved in her mouth* mmmmppphhhhh!!!  
Julia: *evil grin* hehehe... No more wailing!  
  
Disclaimers: MMMMPPPPPHHHH!!!!! *Translation: MMMMPPPPPHHHH!!!!!*  
  
Rated R  
  
Sailor Prune and the Sailor Laxatives  
  
Act 6 Scene 2  
  
STILL In Dr. Dre's Lair... (NO, WE ARE NOT ORIGINAL!!)  
  
Narrator: Everyone is in different areas of the studio, looking around   
for Dr. Dre's records. The only person not working is a   
mutilated Seiya. Yes, Julia and Bunny said he hadn't died. But that didn't   
mean he couldn't be gutted...  
  
Prostetute: (throws the studio door open) I'm.. *gasp* back... *wheeze*  
  
M+M: Um... What happened to Dr. Dre?  
  
Prostetute: (hardly even clothed) God damn! That man is good! That was  
the best sex I ever had!  
  
Everyone: (sweatdrop)   
  
Prune: No one TOLD you to sleep with the guy!  
  
Prostetute: You TOLD me to keep him occupied!  
  
F***er: (from a dark corner in the room) Slut...  
  
Prostetute: Trans... Hey, where'd you come from anyway?  
  
Julia: We wrote him... er... her... uh... in for a few good laughs!  
  
Mercenary: And where the hell did YOU come from?  
  
Bunny: We're the writers!!  
  
Jamaica: Still doesn't explain where you came from, man.  
  
Julia: We came from the other side of the rainbow... Why, I remember,  
when I was little, how-  
  
Bunny: OK! That's enough Julia! C'MON! (grabs Julia by the wrist and they  
venture off back into darkness)  
  
Uranus: Ok, was there a point to that scene...?  
  
Mercenary: WHY THE HELL DOES THERE HAVE TO BE A POINT FOR EVERY GOD DAMNED  
LITTLE THING YOU POCKEY-SUCKING ASSHOLE?!!  
  
Hippie: Peace, dudes... Peace...  
  
Safety: Finaly! Somebody with the same outlook on life as me!  
  
M+M: Get a room...  
  
Prune: Speaking of rooms... Where's Dr. Dre now?  
  
Prostetute: Passed out on the sofa.  
  
Makeshift: You did on the sofa?  
  
Prostetute: You got problem with that?!  
  
Narrator: I FOUND IT!!  
  
Mourner: Found what?  
  
Narrator: THE CD'S YOU IDIOT!  
  
Jamaica: Dr. Dre's?  
  
Narrator: (sarcasticaly) No! Cher's!   
  
Varsity: Dr. Dre likes Cher?!  
  
Everyone: (slaps their forehead's and groan)  
  
Mercenary: All right! Let's burn 'em!  
  
Varsity: No! I like Cher!  
  
M+M: Um... Right... I say we listen to them before we burn 'em though.  
  
Mourner: Why, dude?  
  
M+M: I wanna see how bad this guy really is, hehe.  
  
Nirvana: Ok, dudes! Someone put it in the stereo!  
  
Safety: I got it!  
  
Narrator: Safety puts the CD in the stereo and turns it on.  
  
F***er: I bet that he sucks... Some farty old guy that works in the Quickie-Mart...   
I mean, what's up with that?  
  
M+M: Shut up, faggit. Or I'll mess you up again!  
  
F***er: (stands up feebly) Step up!  
  
Narrator: M+M starts to advance on F***er with a sinister grin on his face.  
He leans over Seiya and growls. F***er whimpers and sits back down, curling himself  
into a ball.  
  
Uranus: Chicken...  
  
Mercenary: Shut up with callin' people chickens! I bet they got more   
balls than you do!  
  
Jamaica: Especially if their a guy, man...  
  
Varsity: TMI!  
  
Prune: Huh?  
  
Mourner: Too Much Information, dude...  
  
Nirvana: And you know that because?  
  
Mourner: Shut up...  
  
Safety: SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!! I WANT TO LISTEN TO THE GOD DAMNED CD!!!  
  
Everyone: Woah...  
  
Narrator: Safety pressed the play button and turned up the volume a bit.  
They all waited in anticipation for the music to start. And then... They  
heard an evil, maniac laughter booming from the stereo speakers...  
  
CD Dre: HAHAHAHAHA!!! YOU FOOLS! YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD OUTSMARTED ME DIDN'T YOU?!  
WELL, I'M NOT THAT STUPID!!!  
  
M+M: (gasp) He isn't?!  
  
Prune: Baka...  
  
CD Dre: THESE AREN'T MY REAL SONGS!! YOU'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO RUIN ME!!  
I'LL KILL YOU ALL FIRST!!! MMMWWWWWHHHHHAAAAAHHHHAAAAAHHHHAAAAA!!!  
  
Narrator: Coughing noises could be heard from the CD Dre between his  
laughter. Prostetute punched the stop button and screamed.  
  
Prostetute: I SLEPT WITH HIM FOR NO GOOD REASON?!! THESE AREN'T EVEN THE  
GOD DAMNED CD'S!! I HAD SEX WITH HIM FOR GOD'S SAKE!!  
  
Uranus: And you enjoyed it too...  
  
Mercenary: (clasps her hands and bats her eyelashes) "Oh! It was the   
best sex I ever had! Oh la la!"  
  
M+M: I'll kill that son of a bitch!!  
  
Narrator: M+M runs out of the recording studio and to the living room.  
All of the senshi run after him, trying to stop him. M+M begins to slow down  
as he advances on the couch. He crouches up slowly behind it and pounces.  
  
M+M: AHHHHH!!!  
  
Prune: MAMO-CHAN!  
  
Narrator: Everyone runs over and peers over the couch to see M+M in a  
very discombobulated posistion with Dr. Dre no where in sight.  
  
Prostetute: Huh? Where is he?! He was out cold before!  
  
M+M: Son of a bitch...   
  
Prune: (helps M+M up) We better go find him...  
  
Varsity: But, like, where should we start?  
  
Narrator: M+M looks to the door with determination in his eyes.  
  
M+M: I have a feeling Turban Boy retreated to our favorite Slurpee shop...  
  
  
Author's Note: Julia: Hehehe... The anticipation... The drama... The  
suspense...  
Bunny: Um, actually... All that really happens is the senshi going to   
the Quickie-Mart and finding Dr. Dre ope-  
Julia: *shoves the apple back in Bunny's mouth* SHUT UP YOU FOOL,   
AND GO ALONG PRETENDING TO BE A WRITER!!  
  



	18. Act 6 Scene 3: The Quickie-Mart...

Author's Notes: Bunny: Well... We're almost done... Only two   
more chapters...  
Julia: Bunny, I think you need to take your medication again...  
Bunny: You're right... Excuse me why I go have an emotional breakdown...  
Julia: AHEM, Well, I am leaving for Europe now... So, it's up to Bunny  
to write the rest of the chapters... God help us all... This chapter is   
going to be more serious than the others... So, no bashing!   
  
Disclaimers: Oh, by the way, we don't own the Quickie-Mart! And we don't  
own Coca-Cola either!  
  
Rated R  
  
Sailor Prune and the Sailor Laxatives  
  
Act 6 Scene 3  
  
The Quickie-Mart...  
  
Narrator: Everyone made their way swiftly to the Quickie-Mart, led by  
an outraged Tuxedo M+M. M+M snuck in the back door quietly and motioned  
for the others to stay back and be quiet. He peeked his head in and watched  
Dr. Dre closely. Dre looked around carefully, to make sure no one was watching.  
But, he obviously needs to get his prescription checked... He snuck up  
to one of the freezers in the back and opened it. Looking around once more  
he pulled out on of the Coca-Cola's and suddenly... The ground shook.  
Everyone gasped and clutched on to each other for support. M+M narrowed his  
eyes and stared intently. The freezer's shelves gave way and revealed a  
stair way going up. Dr. Dre quietly walked up the stairs, closing the freezer  
door behind him, and the shelves regenerated back to their original places.  
  
M+M: That little trickster...  
  
Prune: What? What happened?  
  
Everyone: (pokes their heads into the doorway and frown when they don't  
see anything unusual)  
  
M+M: (walks up the the freezer and opens the door) Come on! Hurry up, guys!  
  
Prostetute: What are we doing?  
  
Uranus: You think he knows? The guy's a crack-addict! He doesn't know his  
face from his ass!  
  
M+M: Why don't you go back up your mom's anal cavity and SHUT THE HELL UP?!  
  
Prune: Calm down...  
  
M+M: (growls and begins picking up random cans of soda, trying to find the   
one Dr. Dre had used)  
  
Jamaica: What are you doing, man?  
  
F***er: Umm... M+M... Coca-Cola isn't made out of drugs anymore... You  
can't get high from it... I prefer glue and white-out my self...  
  
Hippo: HEY! MY NAME IS NOT HIPPO!  
  
Bunny and Julia: Sorry...  
  
Hippie: That's better... AHEM, I was going to say to you man, tha-  
  
Mercenary: No one gives a crap you're going to say!  
  
Narrator: M+M suddenly pulls out the correct Coca-Cola and the ground begins  
to shake once more.   
  
Prune + Varsity: WAAAHHH!!! WHAT'S HAPPENING?!!!  
  
Nirvana: Usagi and Minako... Seperated at birth...  
  
Prune: I RESENT THAT!  
  
M+M: Shut up and let's go!  
  
Uranus: Wow... I've never seen him this serious before...  
  
Prostetute: Whatev'... Let's just do as he says before he whips us all...  
  
Uranus: I bet you'd like that....  
  
Prostetute: SHUT UP YOUR-ANUL!!!  
  
Uranus: MY NAME IS NOT UR-ANUL!  
  
Hippo: MY NAME'S NOT HIPPO!  
  
Varsity: Just shut up Okaaaaaayyyyyyyy!? GAWD!  
  
Narrator: Everyone runs up the stairs, semi-quietly, with M+M, once again, in  
the lead. It was a dark room with spiderwebs hanging in the corners. The  
only thing in the room was Dr. Dre, a recliner, and shelves lining the  
walls. M+M squinted, focusing his eyes in the darkness. Dr. Dre lay slumped  
in a chair, an empty bottle of Vodka in his hands.  
  
Makeshift: I think he passed out...   
  
Mercenary: Nice observation, genius!  
  
Narrator: M+M picked up something on one of the shelves and frowned. They  
we're all CD's. Dr. Dre's favorites... But, his had to be around here somewhere...  
  
M+M: Ok, split up. I want all of you too look through these CD's until  
you find Dre's. Got it?!  
  
Everyone: (nods in fear of what could happen if they didn't obey the  
psycotic-drug-addict Mamoru)  
  
  
An hour or so later...  
  
  
Jamaica: FOUND 'EM!!  
  
Varsity: Sweet!  
  
F***er: Ok! Let's get the Cd's and blow this popsicle stand!  
  
Narrator: Everyone leaves Dr. Dre's Quickie-Mart and hurries outside. Tux M+M  
starts a bonfire with the help of Mourner, and they gladly burn the CD's.  
  
Prune: Mission accomplised...  
  
Tux M+M: (wraps an arm around Prune and grins evilly) Not yet babe. (turns back to   
the Quickie-Mart) We still gotta do something with Dr. D.  
  
Jamaica: I say we burn down the Quickie-Mart too!!  
  
Mourner: YEAH!! (pulls out a few matches and tries to light the Quickie-Mart on  
fire)  
  
Narrator: F***er pulls out a cantene of booze and pours it on the ground around   
the Mart. Mourner throws a match on the booze and lights the whole street on fire.  
  
Prune: Um... I think we just killed about 10 innocent people in nearby stores...  
  
M+M: Who cares? More drugs and booze for us!!  
  
F***er: YEAH!!  
  
Prune: Mission accomplished?  
  
M+M: Yep. Mission accomplished...  
  
  
Author's Notes: Bunny: Hey, I'm sorry that this took FOREVER to get out. But   
between Fanfiction.net being down, and Julia being away, I've been in a writing  
slump.   
Julia: BUT I AM BACK!! THAT'S HOW LONG IT TOOK BUNNY TO FINISH THIS! I WENT ALL  
THE WAY TO EUROPE AND BACK IN THE TIME IT TOOK HER TO WRITE ONE SCENE!!  
Bunny: Gah... Shut up... But i wrote it very well, didn't I?!  
Julia: Uh... Yeah... Sure... See ya next scene!   
  
  
  
  
  
  



	19. Act 7 Scene 1: Blockbuster Hoe!

Author's Notes: Julia: Waaaaaaah!!!!! This is the last Act! Bunny: I   
need to take my Prozac!! Julia: Riiight... *sniff* Bunny: More wailing  
and complaining about my Prozac... *cough cough* I mean the last Act  
at the end of this scene! Julia: ^^V Peace!  
  
Disclaimers: I'm tired of doing these god awful disclaimers! I mean, does   
anyone even know what a "disclaimer" means?!   
  
Rated R  
  
Sailor Prune and the Sailor Laxatives  
  
  
Act 7 Scene 1  
  
Blockbuster Hoe!!  
  
Narrator: As the gang is celebrating around their bonfire fed by hard  
whiskey, Mamoru gets up to roll a blunt. As he begins his long and  
tedious journey to the fire that was previously known as the Quickie  
Mart to light his Dooby, he steps on a magical can of "Butchmen's Own"  
BBQ Beans. The world suddenly becomes incredibly swishy (unlike Seiya)  
and it's not because their all doped up. The can of magical beans   
explodes in a flash of bright light and smelly farts (which were   
primarily caused by Usagi). After the light, but not the smell,   
dissipate everyone finds themselves in the local horror isle of   
Blockbuster.  
  
Prune: Where the hell...?  
  
Uranus: Naked Twister at our house!  
  
(Twister is copyright of Hasbro Inc. NOT BANDAI!!!!!!)  
  
F***er: Aren't we standing in a boat?  
  
Narrator: Everyone looks down to notice they are standing in what looks  
like to be a yellow floatation device.  
  
*Sweatdrop over everyone's extremely large heads*  
  
Julia And Bunny: MWAAAAAAAAA MWAAAAA MWAAAA MWAAAA MOERO MOERO MOERO  
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!  
  
Someone walking down the isle: Ok, that was really random...  
  
Narrator: HEY I'M THE NARRATOR IN THIS SCRIPT!!!!  
  
Jamaica: Your point being...?  
  
Mourner: Ah, who gives a damn, dude...? Let's just move on...  
  
Mercenary: Uh... Guys...? Doesn't it look like something's about to  
fall on Sailor Prune's head and accidently knock her out into oblivion  
so that she can go back to her normal world where she finds that she  
is out of her flippin' mind?  
  
Everyone besides Mercenary: Uh... Yeah... Right...  
  
Narrator: Everyone looks up to see a buoy falling seemingly out of   
nowhere. It suddenly lands ontop of Prune's head, sending her into  
unconsciousness....  
  
Julia: Ok... So how do we end this scene?  
  
Bunny: A lil' like this...  
  
The End!  
  
  
Author's Notes: Julia: Ok! So this scene is done! Mwhahahahaha! Bunny:  
Oh the insanity we possess! Julia: Until the next scene my children!  
Bunny: Up yours! Buh-bye!  



	20. Act 7 Scene 1: Purple Monkey Dishwasher

Author's Notes: Bunny: Oh my god!! THE VERY LAST SCENE!!! Julia: *rushes  
Bunny off into the bathroom to go take her med's* Just don't make me have  
to clean up your mess when you're done! AHEM! Well, *sniffles* enjoy!  
  
Disclaimers: Uh-huh... Moving ON...  
  
Sailor Prune and the Sailor Laxatives  
  
Act 7 Scene 2  
  
Purple Monkey Dishwasher  
  
Usagi: Uuurrughhhhawwwahhh...  
  
Narrator: Usagi has reverted back to the time of the Stone Age...  
  
Usagi: Shut up you fool! It says in the script that I'm waking up! So,  
pretend I'm waking up, god damnit!  
  
Narrator: *cough cough* Riiight... So.. Uh... Usagi's waking up now...  
In the... uh... Nurse's Office of her school...  
  
Makoto: Usagi! Usagi, you're awake!   
  
Ami: Oh thank the heavens!  
  
Nurse: Oh shut up! You're such a retarded and un-needed character!  
Just... GO AWAY!!  
  
Narrator: Ami uses a few choice words at this time and attacks the nurse.  
But, since Ami isn't the main charcter, like we've already pointed out,  
we're just going to let that slide...  
  
Usagi: Huh? Oh, Jamaica! Hiya!  
  
Makoto: Who? Jamaica? I'm a 5'9" Japanese school girl.  
  
Usagi: Um.. Ok.. But, you're SAILOR JAMAICA!! And, Ami, she's SAILOR   
MERCENARY! And Rei is SAILOR MOURNER! And Minako is SAILOR VARSITY!  
And -  
  
Makoto: Oh Jesus H. Christ! Shut up! No one gives a damn about your  
feeble little mind!  
  
Usagi: B-but! It's true!  
  
Ami: *stops ripping the Nurse apart limb by glorious limb* You're  
CRAAAAAAAZIE!!  
  
Bunny and Julia: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!   
  
Bunny: Think she's crazy enough yet?  
  
Julia: 20 bucks says she isn't. Let's end this charade!  
  
Narrator: Bunny and Julia call in their best friends, the men in the  
white coats. They attack Usagi and tie her up in a straight jacket.  
  
Usagi: NONONONONONONO! I'M A QUEEN! YOU CAN'T TAKE ME AWAY!  
  
Julia: *Now* she's crazy!  
  
Narrator: The men in the white coats take Usagi to the rubber room.   
She is thrown into one of the rooms, with two other people.  
  
Usagi: Uh... hehe... Hi...  
  
Figure 1: *has a pencil in her mouth and is trying to write on the wall*  
  
Figure 2: *is mumbling some random words to Figure 1*  
  
Usagi: I said "HI!!"  
  
Figure 2: *turns to Usagi, and then back to Figure 1* Isn't she...?  
  
Figure 1: *looks over to Usagi and spits out her pencil* It is! It's...!  
  
Both Figures: IT'S SAILOR PRUNE!!  
  
Usagi: I'm not insane then right? I really am Sailor Prune!   
  
Figures: *step into the light and are revealed as Bunny and Julia*  
  
Julia: Oh yes... You're Sailor Prune...  
  
Bunny: Yes yes... We created you!! *rubs her hands together*  
  
Usagi: Um.. hehe... Riiight...  
  
Julia: But, we don't need you anymore!   
  
Bunny: Yes, know our new obsession is...  
  
Julia and Bunny: DILANDAU!!!!  
  
Usagi: What?! You're abandoning me for that eye-twitching, pyro?!  
  
Julia: DAMN STRAIGHT WE ARE!! LET'S GET HER!!  
  
Narrator: Bunny and Julia attack Usagi and begin to tear her apart.  
Her screams are echoed throughout the whole Insanity Home.  
  
Julia and Bunny: MOERO!! MOERO!!!  
  
To Be Continued...(not really)  
  
  
Author's Notes: Bunny: All good things must come to an end... Julia:  
But all bad things go on forever! Bunny: Prepare yourself for... Julia:   
BUNNY AND JULIA'S RANDOM SCENES!!! Bunny: Be afraid... Be VERY afraid...  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
